


Contactual

by Findarato



Series: Encounters [2]
Category: Hakuouki
Genre: First Time, M/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-14
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-17 18:45:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3540092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Findarato/pseuds/Findarato
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Saitou/Heisuke. Experimentation in a ship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Contactual

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer:** I took one semester of Japanese, meaning I definitely am not one of the writers for Hakuouki. I am also not Kazuki Yone, and thus all character designs are hers and not mine.  
>  **Spoilers:** Reimeiroku, but not really. This happens before they became the Roshigumi and went to Kyoto.  
>  **Rating:** M  
>  **Warnings:** My smut that’s not really smut, teenagers and their first time fumbling/experimenting…surprisingly very little angst, and some swearing/drinking.  
>  **A/N:** Once again I blame lightningwaltz for inspiration. Then again, I have left her so many ideas so we equally are to blame…we’re terrible; who let us brainstorm together?  
>  **A/N#2:** I’ve never written Heisuke before. Am I worried? Yes I’m worried. I hope I did him justice klfdsakl. 
> 
> Last story note: POV change = time jump, and is indicated by a period. So it’ll go Heisuke-Saitou-Heisuke-Saitou-Heisuke-Saitou

**_Contactual_ **

He's often been told that he's overeager. And this, Heisuke admits he has to agree. As a kid he once broke an ankle and sprained a wrist trying to prove a makeshift bridge could hold his weight. Another time he fell out of a tree, but was thankfully caught. He's certainly gotten better at looking before he leaps! He's not a kid anymore; he doesn't do things like that…often. After all, if he hadn't been eager, he wouldn't be certified in Hokushin Itto Ryu at his age. Some things required you to reach out and grab when it appeared. Opportunities weren't meant for wasting, and so he's always practised that. Even if he keeps getting called "Master Forerunner" by Sano and Shinpachi…(It's not exactly an insult; he doesn't mind it…but oh when it backfires and he gets yelled at…)

For one, he's not eager to die. Death is a daily occurrence, but he hasn't even killed anyone yet. Nor does he want to be killed. He's young, he has a life ahead of him, and despite occupational hazards, he's pretty good at holding his own in a fight and escaping death. And right now? He's at this dojo and there's little chance of death. So life currently finds him lying on a porch with his legs dangling over the side because it's hot and he doesn't want to move, while he picks out things he finds in the clouds. At least there's a slight breeze; it's nearing dusk and the sun has stopped attempting to scald him.

Heisuke has reached the point where he's trying to spell out his name in the clouds when someone calls his name.

"Hajime-kun!" he greets, sitting up and grinning. "I didn't think you were coming around today."

Saitou inclines his head before he sits down next to Heisuke, removing his swords and laying them at his side. "I had business that required my attention."

"Well, it's still great to see you." By now, all of them know Saitou isn't expressive about his comings and goings. He definitely had work, almost never stayed over for the night, and had to be coaxed into dinner at times. "I was getting bored."

"I did not see anyone else as I came in."

"Kondou-san and Hijikata-san had business. Sannan-san and Souji went…somewhere? And Shinpattsuan and Sano-san abandoned me for most of the day." Heisuke scrubs the back of his neck and yawns. "They left me to keep house until tonight…"

"Is something happening tonight?"

"We're going to Yoshiwara. Oh, right—Hijikata-san says you're coming along, too." At the questioning look, he clarifies. "He says with you there, he feels like there's at least three sane people in the room."

One side of Saitou's mouth straightens, but the other side curves upward before he lowers his head. "Thank you for your hospitality. I will be sure to thank Kondou-san and Hijikata-san later as well."

"You don't have to keep doing that, you know." He stretches his legs out before him and bends to touch his toes. "You're one of us. No formalities." But it's hard to imagine Saitou being informal about anything. From the way he walks to his manner of speech, his actions are always deliberate, yet decisive. It just…it just wouldn't be Saitou if he weren't polite.

"…Hajime-kun?"

"Yes?"

"Do you want to spar right now?" Heisuke gestures inside. "Sitting out here isn't much is it? Besides, I need to beat you at least more than three times in my lifetime."

"I'm sure you will have many chances to try."

"…Well, if there's one thing I can count on, it's your confidence," he mutters as he goes in search of the dojo's bokken. The record so far stands at Saitou with over twenty wins, and three for Heisuke. And they were the same age? It feels likes the actual gap isn't even age or skill. Maybe it's character.

Even if he knows he'll never have the patience that Saitou holds, or that sort of poise, or stillness. Then again, their styles differed. He makes a note to someday actually get Saitou drunk enough to spill the secret of just where he learned swordplay. Maybe tonight, if he's lucky.

****:-:-:-:-:-:-:**  
**

"…'m not heavy, am I?"

"No."

"Did we have to leave early?"

"Yes."

They probably make somewhat of an odd scene. Saitou is carrying Heisuke on his back. No, he didn't expect this at all. Then again, he didn't expect Heisuke attempting to outdrink Shinpachi and Harada tonight. Neither did he expect to be betting on who would with…and losing that bet. It's Souji's fault for convincing him to do it; Saitou now has to take over Souji's students for three days.

However, it's hardly a terrible bet to pay off. The only thing that worries him is that they would look at him and his left-handedness, and dismiss him.

"Haj'me-kun…"

"Yes?"

"I think I can walk."

"We are nearly back." Actually, they're only a little past halfway or so. Heisuke's ponytail lies over his shoulder; his hair is thicker than his own, but it's almost just as soft if not for the tangles. Heisuke's chin is pressed to the side of his next, and they both smell of alcohol.

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"I'm sure I can walk…"

"I'm fine with this." Picking Heisuke off the floor when he tipped over and offering to take him back…he was all right with it. Shinpachi and Harada barely noticed; they were still going at it. No one else seemed ready to leave just yet, and so he decided to take Heisuke back himself.

"Haj'me-kun…you're really kind, aren't you."

"Kind?" He neatly sidesteps a group of drunken men and turns at a corner.

"Yeah, kind. I don't mean polite either. You're actually really nice and considerate." Heisuke yawns. "I thought you were cold, really serious, and scary…and sometimes you still look like you could take on the whole world and live to tell your story…though you don't really talk about yourself and I didn't even guess your age…but I mean I've seen you sometimes when you're not sparring or being serious—Haj'me-kun needs to smile more. Maybe it's 'cause Sano-san can't tell a joke to save his life, and Souji sucks even more at them, but your smile's great…"

He listens quietly as the other talks on, mentally picking apart the phrases and putting them back into a more comprehensible form. Between complaints about his elders ("I think Shinpattsuan forgets I'm not a kid. Just 'cause I'm short doesn't mean I don't think.") and the random things ('I've never seen Kondou-san with hair down. What do you think he looks like?'), Heisuke keeps insisting that he's actually kind, but he doesn't get enough chances to be kind.

"Kind" is not something he'd call himself. He respects authority, respects himself, doesn't cause trouble or debts…but kind? Kindness is for those who cared too much, for those who had the time to care. Kindness meant exhausting yourself thinking about other people. Your own kindness could come to choke you if you showed it to the wrong people.

He tells himself this as Heisuke's voice trails off to mutterings, and finally silence as he falls asleep. They reach the Shieikan without incident. When he shifts Heisuke down, it takes very little effort to locate bedding and tuck the other in.

…this isn't being nice. This is being human. Saitou eases himself into a corner of the room. Usually he leaves after dinner, not wishing to impose when they were tight on money. But this is the first time he's ever seen Heisuke drink this much, and he's never asked if this has happened before. A lot could go wrong in the middle of the night, and he decides to stay until the others return.

He catches himself moving towards the window to shut it against tomorrow's sunrise, and when he glances at Heisuke, he wonders if he ought to remove the tie on his hair to make him more comfortable.

…

Fine.

He's only kind to people who showed kindness to him.

That's it.

Really.

Not to mention Heisuke's a case all by himself. He hasn't quite ever meant someone wouldn't think twice about leaping into a street brawl with men twice his size. Foolhardy…except he usually emerges victorious.

**:-:-:-:-:-:-:  
**

The first thing he's aware of how dry his eyes are. Then his tongue. Then his throat, lips…and the aching in his arms and knees that shoots up his neck and into his head, where it feels like someone kicked him a few times. He pulls blankets over his head before he opens his eyes. Flashes of light and sparks dance before his vision until he lies still and waits for the ringing in his ears eases. Only then does he drag the blanket down to stare at the ceiling. How did he even get back home? And in one piece, too. If he had been with Shinpachi or Sano…he'd have bruises from the inevitable fights they got into. But his mind's a blank. As he squints and rubs the side of his head, the door slides open.

"What ha—" It's not Sano, or Shinpachi, or even Hijikata.

Saitou stands by the door, a tray in his hands.

"Hajime-kun?" Usually Saitou appeared after lunch. Sometimes later, but never this early. Did he miss something?

"Good morning."

"Ah…morning?" Heisuke sits up slowly, and fights nausea and dizziness that come rushing up to his throat. He is _not_ going to throw up. He hasn't done that since he first started drinking. "Did you stay the night?"

"It was rather late last night, and so I was persuaded to stay." Saitou enters the room and sets the tray down. "You slept through breakfast."

"I _what?_ " He clutches one side of his face. For real? Details are finally returning to him, and he finds himself remembering…things. "Oh."

Drinking contest. Refusing to back down until Saitou stopped him. Saitou…carrying him? No, that last one is false. He tries to say more but his stomach suddenly turns and he flings the blankets aside for the door. In his haste, he trips, nearly goes sprawling—

A bucket is shoved in front of him and he closes his eyes before he loses the contents of his stomach. Miserably so. Only when he finally stop retching does he realise that Saitou is keeping him from tipping forward and holding his hair out of his face.

This is not the morning he's expecting.

This isn't something he's expected from Saitou, of all people.

Saitou hands him a cup of tea, which he gratefully takes to wash out his mouth. "…sorry you had to see that." He feels terrible in more ways than one.

"It happens."

"Not often. I think that's only my second time? My third? I didn't throw up last night, did I?" He shoves the bucket away, outside the door.

"You did not make a fool of yourself last night, if you are worried about that."

"Really?"

"I would not lie."

"No, I'm not saying you are. I'm just…" The image of him nodding off and leaning his head against Saitou's is a ridiculously clear one. "Did you…carry me back here?"

Saitou taps on the side of Heisuke's cup. "The tea will be cold if you don't finish it."

He gulps another mouthful.

"I did, because when you tried to first take a step, you nearly fell into a server who was carrying expensive dishes."

Oh shit.

"I decided not to take the chances anymore. You were not heavy and the walk was not long."

But he still has to apologise. "I'm sorry." That's embarrassing. That's…that's childish of him. Hopefully no one recognised him outside but he can't believe he allowed himself to be carried. "I shouldn't have let them talk me into doing that."

"What happened has happened."

"I know, but I still feel bad that you had to carry me. And now…this."

Saitou looks up and their eyes meet. "I did not mind."

When people said that, you usually could feel from the atmosphere a hint of resentment even if those words were said. It's an convenience to drag a dead-weight through the streets during the night. He reeked of sake and he talked until he fell asleep. He probably snored. Maybe he even drooled in his sleep.

But something made the words stick in his throat, made the attempts at apologises falter and scuttle away. No, Saitou was actually sincere, his gaze closed but nothing contemptuous in sight. If there's any disgust, he's hiding it very well.

"Thank you." He clears his throat and finishes the tea. His head swims but at least he can see and think properly. "…you didn't stay the whole night _here_ , did you?"

"And if I did?"

"Did you get any sleep?"

"Sannan-san stayed half the night."

Well, Saitou didn't look tired for staying up half a night—he looks better than Heisuke does. How about that.

He yanks at his hair, which was more or less falling around his shoulders and back. Tangled rat's nest…he really drank too much yesterday. "I hope I didn't snore…"

Saitou blinks and lowers his head.

"I did, didn't I?"

"I said nothing."

"You're hiding behind your scarf—" He yanks at the mentioned article of clothing and Saitou turns away discreetly so that his bangs obscured his face, but Heisuke still caught the smile. "I knew it!" He has enough pride to not ask if he drooled or not.

"It can hardly compare to…others."

"Like Shinpachi."

An odd sound escapes Saitou before he pulls his scarf back up. Heisuke buries his face back in the blankets and laughs. "No one can beat him at snoring."

"I have to agree."

He raises his chin, and finally sees the rest of the tray. "You…saved me food?"

"Is that all right?"

"All right? That's more than all right." The smell of soup isn't turning his stomach, so he reaches for it. "Thank you."

"No thank you needed." Saitou gives him a short nod.

No thank you at all? Saitou deserves like…so many more of them. For putting up with him. "Ano sa," he begins, the bowl halfway to his mouth. "When are you going to move in?"

"When?"

"I said before—you're not an outsider. And you're not a student. You're… one of us. It's okay if you stayed on." He wants to ask where Saitou actually lives or what he does with his time outside of Shieikan, but it doesn't seem appropriate. "Have you ever thought about it?"

The other simply curls his hands on his lap. "I have. However, at the present time I cannot do such. But—" he gets to his feet. "I'm staying for the next three days."

"Three days? Why?"

Saitou pauses at the door. "I was on the losing side of a bet." Before Heisuke can ask anything else, he's out the door and gone.

"A bet? Hajime-kun _bets?_ " He hurriedly slurps down his soup and starts on the rice and fish. "Damn it, I missed a lot last night."

Not to mention if this had something to do with him…

…

Wait, if he lost the bet, then that meant he betted on Heisuke winning—

"Shit." He considers banging his head into something. He's such a let down. But then if he'd won, then Saitou wouldn't have stayed the night, and he might be lying out his door half-dead until he drags himself to get water. He should've never attempted outdrink Shinpachi. Next time, they'll have to think of something else less detrimental to their health.

In the meantime, he needs to find a way to make this up to Saitou.

****:-:-:-:-:-:-:** **

He's never going to bet again. Yes, this time it hardly was a bad deal, but bets are risky and he has the feeling Souji might get extremely competitive about it. While he can compete with Souji when it came to swords, other matters were different.

The first day was teaching was uneventful. There were only a few whispers and looks before he actually began, and soon half the students were nursing bruises after taking him lightly. He was sure Souji was somewhere watching, and maybe some of the others, but they said nothing. By now they all knew about the bet. Heisuke's embarrassed, Shinpachi's amused…

Day two, the students made more of an attempt. One of them even jabbed him in stomach and shoulder before being disarmed. And thus the second day of teaching ended.

He inspects the bruises and cuts after bathing. Nothing serious; they'll fade in a week. Both injuries are on his right side, as if they assumed he didn't watch his non-dominant side. In a real fight, he'd probably be sent limping home. Just as he comes out of the bath, he nearly runs into Heisuke. He nods politely and moves to side-step.

"Wait." Heisuke holds out his hand. "I saw you take two hits earlier. Doesn't it hurt?"

"No." Only a little. Bruises are not life-threatening. Neither are shallow cuts. "I'm fine."

But Heisuke grabs him by the shoulder and he flinches, more out of surprise than pain. "That'll stiffen up and hurt even more in the morning."

"I can tend to them myself."

"No, you won't."

"What makes you think that?"

"You don't even know where we keep the ointments, because you getting injured so rarely."

"I—" He stops.

It's true, he doesn't know.

"See? And they call me stubborn." Heisuke tugs him by his good arm. "Come on."

"You could simply hand it to me."

"Hajime-kun, I'll trust you to watch my back. But I don't trust you on this."

And this is how he finds himself sitting next to Heisuke while the other winds bandages over his shoulder, fussing just a little. "I wish we had ice," Heisuke mutters, "you should've iced this hours ago."

"Heisuke."

"Hm?"

"If you feel as if you're doing this out of obligation, there is no need for it."

"Obligation? No, of course not. Yes, you were helpful this morning, but I still would've done this. You'd do this for me or Souji or anyone else, right?" He shoves the box of supplies out of the way as he knots the bandage. "What's wrong with me helping?"

"Nothing."

"Obviously there's something."

He keeps his lips shut. He's treated his own injuries for so long, and he's not about to change that. Not unless it's a dangerous wound that actually requires proper medical treatment. Small things like this are nothing.

"Hajime-kun, I'm not…prying or anything." Heisuke runs his fingers through his bangs. "But how many times do I…we…have to tell you that you don't have to hold back? I know I'm not you and I'm not trying to force you to talk, but—you can talk about things."

But where would he even begin?

"Everyone knows that I'm an illegitimate kid, that Souji's an orphan, Hijikata-san and Kondou-san weren't even born into samurai families…Shinpattsuan left because he got into too many arguments, and so did Sano." He laughs to himself. "I think only Sannan-san and you are the only people who didn't really have any problems they were trying to leave behind."

"Did you forget I am left-handed?"

"They're just jealous you defeated them and so they just looked for excuses to blame you. You're…you're not a cheater. Or whatever they say." Heisuke sits back on his heels, head tilted to one side. "Hajime-kun's amazing."

Saitou starts pulling his kimono back up, thoughts running distractedly in different directions. Where else is he going to meet people like this? People this accepting and generous? People that cared and believed in what he believes. People that gave him something to look forward to?

"I am not amazing," he finally says. "Not in the way Hijikata-san or Kondou-san are. I am grateful for what all of you have given me." Even as he says this, he can hear the hollowness in his own words.

"Sometimes when I look at you, you feel very far away. Like if you one day stopped showing up…do you think we'd forget you?" Heisuke shakes his head. "I don't forget people. Hijikata-san's not the type to forget them either."

"I know." Softly. Whenever conversations end up being more than light-hearted banter or casual things, he can feel himself sliding into a space within himself that has no name, but it's the space where he closes off himself and his mind. Safety measures, as well as caution.

Heisuke looks troubled, and Saitou has a vague idea of why. But Heisuke's different from him. He has no problem saying what's on his mind, shares things easily, was welcoming…

"Well, that's it. I guess I'll see if I can't get any ice for you tomorrow." Heisuke clambers to his feet. "Good night, Hajime-kun."

"Wait." The word slips out before he can stop himself.

The room is hardly large, but it fells smaller when he thinks about how he is in it, with another person and the closet in the corner and the lamp that sits in the middle of the room. Walls that close in but it seems like Saitou has more to keep out than ever.

Heisuke sits down again. There's confusion, but no irritation in his movements. Saitou takes a moment to consider his eyes and their size—it's not really Heisuke's height that makes him appear young, it's his gaze.

By the time people adults, their gazes were usually ensconced in bitterness, regrets, calculations, and suspicions. To be around people who had very little of that, or had disappointment touch their lives and yet they lived with it, that's also a maturity. Maturity wasn't how well you killed a man or if you won many physical battles. It wasn't the cut of your hair or what you wore. It's how you interacted with people and how you lived out your beliefs. And it's also how accepting you are. The sad thing is, you're more accepting when you're young. You reach a certain point, and the world makes no sense, and it won't slow down for you.

Somehow, he doesn't think Heisuke will ever reach that point of bitterness. Not him. Heisuke runs through life, but he always stops for people. He stops for friends. And he stopped for Saitou.

Yet how does he put into words these feelings?

"Heisuke."

"Yeah?"

"I'm not the one who's kind."

"Ki—oh." Heisuke looks away, blushing. "So I really did say those things when I was drunk."

"You're the one."

"Me?"

"You consider everyone and how they feel. You think about everyone. Is that not kindness?"

"Heh." Heisuke looks back again, a grin on face. "But I can't look away when people argue…and I step in and get into a fight. I just can't stop sometimes…it's hard to hold back. Maybe I should take lessons from you, Hajime-kun."

"Do you want me to hold you back?" At the startled look he gets, he nearly retreats, but he swallows hard and pushes ahead. "Not…everything, of course. I trust your judgment because you and I are not children. However, if you ever have need of a second opinion, and if the situation is dangerous…I am willing to offer it."

"…I—" Heisuke's mouth works. "Really? You'd do that?"

"Is that all right?" He can't tell if the surprise is good or bad. "I know that was very abrupt of me—"

"No, it's fine. It's great." The other grasps his shoulders, a smile breaking out on his face. "No one's ever offered something like that. And I think if it's you, maybe I'll get into less trouble."

In truth, he doesn't offer much. He comes here and spars and takes some meals with everyone, but he's still trying to understand his place in the world. If you offered too much, you would lose yourself. But if you offered too little, the world may never understand what you have. His first arrivals at dojos back when he was search were always an offering. And they turned him down, so many times.

To offered, and then to be received…it's one of the greatest feelings he could hope to have.

He could almost laugh at the relief he feels as Heisuke grins up at him.

"Hajime-kun, you're so great. You'll think about staying on with us, right?"

He makes a sort of affirmative sound. "I will think about it."

It'd be nice, for sure…

But he doesn't know if he can.

"Hijikata-san would be pretty happy, of course. And Souji can stop trying to beat me up. And…I guess it's nice to have someone else my age around. You'd have to share rooms with me, though. I hear Souji kicks in his sleep."

"I heard you did that, too."

"Me, kick? No, don't listen to what Shinpattsuan says. He's lying!"

"Is he?"

Heisuke gives him a half-heartedly shove. "No, no—you're supposed to take my side now!"

"Am I?"

"Yes!" A towel goes flying his way. "Maybe stuff that happens when I'm with Sano-san and Shinpattsuan won't be pinned on me this often."

"That depends on what you're in trouble for." He tosses the towel back.

Heisuke launches it again. "At least you can try to take my side in the arguments…"

"Only if your side is the right one." Saitou catches the towel. "That's my condition."

"What sort of condition is that?" Heisuke snags the towel but Saitou keeps his hold on it. "Oi, that's my towel…"

"I am still borrowing it." His hair's still wet.

Tug. "But I need something to throw at you until you promise to always take my side."

Saitou doesn't budge for a few moments, letting the other yank on it until he sharply lets go and Heisuke falls backwards, thumping against the wall.

"Ow." He rubs the back of his head, wincing. "I could've put a hole through the wall, Hajime-kun…"

Somewhat concerned, Saitou shifts over. What he doesn't expect is for Heisuke to grab him so they both go sprawling and his nose nearly hits the same wall, but the other catches him before that happens.

"Hah." He can feel Heisuke's laugh more than he hears it. "I didn't expect you to fall for that one."

Well, neither did he. He tries to move, and find that he can't—Heisuke's arms are still around him. Perplexed, he turns his head.

"Heisuke?"

"I think I wanted to do this for a while now…" Heisuke isn't exactly looking at him. His gaze falls somewhere between the ceiling, Saitou's nose, and maybe his throat. "Well, not hitting my head, but…I don't always know what to say." Fingers catch in his loose hair. "And I don't know how to tell you that…I care." As he says this, he finally looks directly at Saitou. "Is that all right? You hold me back, while I tell you don't hold back…it works, right?"

Saitou doesn't have a reply for this. As such, he realises he's probably staring before he tries to sit up again. This time, Heisuke allows him, but he keeps a hand on his shoulder.

He's supposed to say something in this type of situation, right? A thank you? A pat on the shoulder? Something more?

When it comes down to direct questions—who is he to Heisuke, and who is Heisuke to him?

"Yes." To the question that was asked minutes ago—yes, it's all right. He'll pick at his thoughts later. For now, Heisuke deserves something for his words and actions.

It's actually not to difficult, even though one half of his mind insists this is all going the wrong ways, when he bends forward and down to close the distance, brushing his lips against Heisuke's, even as his own hair obscures his face. It's so light, he could've been placing a finger on his lips.

They're not really children; he trusts Heisuke to not jump up and be offended not after holding him like that. But gods, he has no idea if he's doing this correctly, or if it's too soon to try anything like this. The look in Heisuke's face when he pulls away tells him the other is thinking the same.

But Saitou doesn't expect Heisuke to tug him back down, like he never allowed him to sit up. He's not brushing this off or making light of this.

He's warm. They're both warm.

It's like a physical kindness that he can't find the words, to, yet he knows it is shared between two people.

Maybe staying here more often isn't a bad thing.

****:-:-:-:-:-:-:**  
**

There's nothing like something occupying your mind for the whole day. He didn't think lips would be soft. He doesn't even think about lips. Certainly not Saitou's. Except he's definitely thinking about them, and how they touched his. Being stuck on kitchen and clean-up duty in the morning made for the worst moments for thinking (Sano opened a door and it slammed into his nose, he nearly dropped several bowls of rice).

Not to mention Sano _and_ Shinpachi picked up on the fact something was on his mind. They…eventually got it out of him.

Sort of.

No names came up.

But questions now had some answers, despite whatever he thought or assumed. Frankly the thought of it all is still confusing but at least he's not clueless. Shinpachi and Sano both sucked at teaching anything. Well, so as long as he doesn't anything horribly wrong, then it'll be fine…

He hopes.

Today was Saitou's last day of teaching. He waited, dividing his actions between chores and doing nothing, and even wandered out for a walk until dinner. He even let Shinpachi steal his food, not wanting to really argue with him today. And in the meantime, he keeps sneaking glances over at Saitou.

It's such a stupid question to ask himself, but…is this love? Or curiosity? He definitely counts Saitou as a friend, but different from Sano, Shinpachi, or even Souji. Saitou came here, for a challenge and to see if he'd be thrown out, and they had welcomed him with open arms. Even so, he still holds himself apart. You get him slightly drunk, and even then, he doesn't talk all that much.

But he can imagine the wariness. After years of disdain getting thrown at him for being left-handed, it's got to be difficult. Turned down time after time, and having to resort to a rundown, unpopular dojo…yet something tells him it's not so much about pride so much as it is strength.

To go a little further than that…would it be wrong? He likes Saitou. They all do. But between the liking and the fondness, his mind has wandered into areas he doesn't know very well, and…it looks like Saitou doesn't either. Yesterday, for the first time, he had hugged him. There hadn't been any outbursts of horror or disgust. No knee-jerk reaction. Just a puzzlement and maybe some bewilderment because it was pretty casual. He's thought about it and the moment was too good to pass up.

The kiss, though.

Soft, cautious, and quiet. Like Saitou himself. The hint of a blush, with his hair falling freely about his shoulders and one side of his kimono slipping to reveal sharp collarbones that asked to be touched—

It's one of the few times he's ever seen him that uncertain.

They're both unsure, and Heisuke's pleased and…anxious. It might be the first time Saitou has kissed him, but he doubts it's Saitou's first time at sleeping with someone. Saitou has the looks and he's not bad at drawing people in, despite being quiet. No doubt many a girl has turned their heads to watch him.

While there's certainly no one here that's going to look down on them for inexperience (although he has kept his mouth shut pretty well on the fact that he's a virgin. Sano and Shinpachi were great at assuming he's not and he intends to keep it that way), it's a thing. Like a transition. Maybe a "I need to figure this out" kind of mentality. He knows it'd be easy to just spend a night at Yoshiwara, and he's thought about it. A complete stranger who'd probably be very good and satisfying. Nothing wrong with that. For all the jokes about Hijikata's endless love letters, no one has said a thing about his record. Shinpachi and Sano both make plenty of comments about their own lives. So it's not a matter of right or wrong.

But in terms of attraction, he…he doesn't know yet. Doesn't know if he can bring himself to be in a situation where he's the inexperienced one and being led. He finds himself thinking, if there's someone as tentative as he is, they'd go hand in had together. It'd be more natural than a formality, right?

…did his thoughts even make sense? He remembers the last time he thought this long and hard about something was before he left his domain and came to Shieikan.

So this is why at sunset, he finds himself waiting for Saitou to finish up with his payment of losing that bet. Saitou appears like clockwork, unwinding his scarf and pulling his swords from his side. He nods to Heisuke and is ready to walk on when Heisuke gathers his nerve.

"How are your injuries?"

"They're fine."

"Good." He winces at his own reply. "That's great, actually."

Saitou nods again, once again about to move on.

"Hajime-kun, wait."

The other stops. "Yes?"

"I—" His fingers are sweaty. "Can we talk?"

"Of course."

It would be really inopportune, he thinks, if anyone shows up right now and interrupts them. Thankfully by sunset, nearly everyone is off doing their own thing and not even Sano and Shinpachi come looking for him (they like joking about how sleeping more will make him grow). Souji has a bad tendency to fling doors open on people (he remembers the first day he heard Hijikata _scream_ , voice raised by a pitch or two as he ran after Souji because he stole a book…he didn't think the man was possible of more than thundering yells), but even he usually doesn't randomly pop up on Heisuke.

They're in his room now, and he pauses to light a lamp. Saitou looks impassive as ever, just slightly dishevelled from the day.

He decides he doesn't mind dishevelled. Far from it. Saitou is running his fingers through his bangs, the same motion Heisuke himself does. Oddly enough, it steadies him.

"So, about last night—" But why is it so hard to broach certain topics? Is this how it usually went? You went up to someone, and asked if you could sleep with them for one night, because of curiosity? "Were you all right with that?"

Saitou looks at him, placidly. "I was all right with that."

"Um…good." That's great. "I don't know if you knew, but that was…that's—" He lets out his breath in a rush, his words getting caught up. "It's a first for me."

"I know." Something comes and goes in Saitou's eyes for half a second.

"Okay." He usually doesn't find speaking to be hard, but right now, he can't even piece a whole sentence together. "I liked it."

The other says nothing.

He presses on, lest he unnerve himself with the silence. "And I think you liked it to? You…kissed me." There, he said that. Now it's in words and it's suddenly more real. "I'd like to—kiss you back. If that's okay."

The explanation comes tumbling out, because he's worried that's not enough. "You don't have to. You can leave—I'm just curious and it just seems like you didn't run out the room or anything, and I…I don't mind doing it with you. You're not going to tell everyone what we did and it's just going to be between us, and I just—"

 _Breathe, Heisuke, breathe._ "It's my first time. Don't tell Sano-san or Shinpattsuan, but I've never done it yet. I just can't yet." Lying in a stranger's arms, being aroused by a unfamiliar body… "Does that make sense? You don't have to do this with me. But if I were to ever do it, I wouldn't mind it with you."

He's probably making a mess of his explanation. "Hajime-kun, I trust you. I don't know if you trust me the same way, but you…I really admire you. I don't want my first time with anyone else."

And that's out. He swallows, strangely lightheaded and his heart pulsing almost painfully. He's not the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, and it's not that he's unconfident, but this is Saitou. So few things rattle him.

For a moment, Saitou doesn't move, doesn't react. He sits very still, like some of the Buddha statues he's seen at temples. The light from the lamp gleams in his eyes until he blinks.

"Heisuke."

"Y-yes." Damn it, his voice cracked.

"I—" Saitou stops, and starts again. "Last night was a new experience for me, as well."

…

Well. That's not something he expected. Half his tension is suddenly gone. He nearly laughs as he rubs his arms, slouching down into a more comfortable position. "Really? I wouldn't have guessed."

"No?"

"I don't know—it just feels like you knew more than I did about this. I based it on…how you carry yourself." Heisuke waves a hand.

"That was not my first kiss. But beyond that—I have not taken it upon myself to seek out another's company in that way." Saitou inhales; it straightens his shadow against the wall, made by the lamp. "I had never wanted to."

Disappointment, but it's not like he'd force it. "Then—"

"Why me?"

"Because I trust you?" But it seems like Saitou needs more of an answer, and so he tries to find it. "Because…if you're going to do that, you deserve to see some sides of me that other people aren't doing to get to see for a while?" He lifts a shoulder and laughs. "I'm not really sure. I don't have all the answers. But…with you, I don't mind that you see me in certain ways."

Sometimes, he wishes it's easier to understand Saitou. Heisuke's not bad at reading people, but Saitou is a tightly shut box of complications with a multitude of locks. Past, present, and future—all fairly tucked away. He's seen moments of laughter, anger, confusion, frustration, and sometimes an intensity peeks through. An intensity they all have, a passion that make their eyes light up and their pulses race. He's looking for that.

"Hajime-kun—" he sucks in air nosily, before he finally crawls forward, hands bracing himself as he kisses Saitou.

Taction—contact by touch. Heisuke knows he's probably messing up again on something, but the memory of soft lips against his and his present actions matching up that memory—it keeps him there. He's offering and requesting at the same time—both are a question.

Saitou's response is first minimal; when their lips meet, his mouth open slightly just to even out the space between them—and then quite unintentionally, Heisuke's tongue slips. He remembers as a kid thinking that kisses were gross and sloppy. Right now, it's messy, and threatens of something even messier, but it's warm and he finds himself swallowing.

Until he has to breathe and he pulls back. Saitou has a hand pressed to his knee, and the other over his chest, a strange expression on his face.

It's not fear. It's not that. It's…

It's uncertainty.

All at once, Heisuke extends his hands. For the first time, he finds that Saitou's hands are sweaty, like his. But fingers grip and fit against his, and he doesn't want to let go.

"Is this all right?" he hears himself asking.

"This is all right. It's…" Saitou lowers his head and speaks in a low voice. "You're warm."

Warm?

"You are sharing this warmth with me…and you're all right with that." He can't exactly tell, but it seems like there's a bit of wonder. "Heisuke…"

Did they run out of things to say? He's not one to lose his thoughts, but Saitou, cheeks tinged in red and their hands together, it's hard put to make conversation.

This time, Saitou kisses him, until he has Heisuke pressed to the wall, their foreheads and shoulders touching even as their fingers squeeze together until they're probably going numb, but it's fine. Until he loses his balance and has to adjust his knees and legs, brushing against Saitou's lower body.

He makes the oddest of sounds.

But they're not bad sounds.

No, they're sounds that make his mouth dry and something like a shiver runs through him.

Saitou suddenly sits back on his heels, hands falling away to grip his knees.

Maybe he doesn't know everything about his body. But then again, neither does Heisuke. But it seems like they both know enough, and know where this is going.

Heisuke is the first to undo his belt, his outer shirt and undershirt falling loose. He shoves them off with some alacrity—maybe a little too much. It's different from disrobing from weather or for a bath. He's never had someone looking at him like this ever and there's a tiny part in his mind that's telling him to put his clothes back up and leave the room.

Instead, he reaches for Saitou's hands and presses the palms to his abdomen. Hardly an interesting, but it's strange to feel another person's hands on that part of your body. He's used to be slapped on the back or shoulders, getting his hair messed up and even someone tickling his neck. But usually, you wouldn't have a reason to place your hands somewhere and leave them there until they started to burn, when two bodies shared the same heat and desire.

There's calluses, but Heisuke's own hands have the same marks. And he tries to remember to breathe when those palms softly trace his ribs and sides, slowly going upwards. He somehow forces his arms to reach up so that he can unbind his hair, and then he finds himself both shoving his back into the wall, as well pushing forwards into a heat that beckons at him. Running your hands over your own body is a curious experience, but not all that interesting. Sometimes yes, it'll bring out a reaction, but he's always wondered what it's like with someone else.

It's not just him—he wants to touch Saitou. Badly. The collarbones that he glimpsed yesterday beckon to him. Maybe Saitou wears that scarf to hide them. But it's a ridiculous thought. He carefully lays his hands on Saitou's shoulders, and gives a light tug on the fabric. Saitou still his hands for a second, and then he nods, and Heisuke parts his clothes, dragging them slowly down.

By now, certain areas of him are growing impatient. But he doesn't want to rush this. He forces himself to carefully ease arms out of sleeves, to gently tug on a hairtie, until they're both in a similar state of undress.

He doesn't say this often, but beautiful people do exist in this world. Not just physical attractiveness. Saitou certainly has that. But there's a grace to Saitou that he's curious about, that he wants to know learn. So he teaches his lips to follow curves and angles, the shape of bone under skin, as well as the parts that he could knead between his fingers. He listens to sounds that he recognises, yet they're not his voice but Saitou's. By the time he pauses because they've once again kissed too long and he needs air, Saitou's on the floor while Heisuke is leaning over him.

The rise and fall of someone's chest in lamplight is beautiful. This sort of lighting has never struck him as poignant, up until now. It's not terribly bright, but neither is it dim, and it casts a warm glow on everything that Heisuke has one moment of thought that he wishes he could be like a light, free to touch what it may and covering everything. Especially everything about the other, in this very instant. He doesn't think it can be better.

Until Saitou catches up.

What Heisuke does, Saitou seems to be able to do tenfold. Talent or just really good observing skills? He doesn't know. What he does know is that nearly kicking down the lamp is a bad thing to do and they have to move a little further away, and that Saitou isn't just good with his hands. No, he's good at other things and keeping Heisuke at a certain point that he doesn't want to end this. He wants to stay like this as long as possible.

…before it gets uncomfortable, anyway. They finally end up turning out the lights because it's gotten late, and he doesn't want someone accidentally stumbling by and seeing them. But he can hear and feel the exhales and inhales as he holds Saitou to him, and when they're finally rid of all their clothes and he's trying to imagine in his mind what he can touch, it's oddly not hard. Brushing his hands over cheekbones, nose, jawline and they end up resting on sharp shoulder blades that move underneath his palms. Funny how in some certain circumstances, bodies are vey rigid. Stiff. Inflexible. Saitou seemed to be all of that, at a first glance.

He knows now that's wrong. Saitou has a fluidity that adapts, melds, and accepts. At one point he cups Heisuke's face in his and they stop before they began to move again. His thoughts both converge and contrast, and eventually he just tries to focus on what he can. There's kindness in that touch. There's affection. By the time Heisuke's trying not to gasp and trying to relax muscles that locked up, and Saitou slows, he finally finds words again.

"I'm not holding back," he manages to say. "So. You don't have to either."

He's not sure why Saitou always seems to hold himself back. He judges his own strength, doesn't say mean things, is polite to a fault and well-liked. But they're already gotten this far, and he wants to know more. Just a little.

He knows he won't see everything. They hold significance to each other, but this isn't going to be something he'll keep returning to. It's a moment of respect and trust, and trying to show it. Trying to say he matters, he's supposed to be here…

Things he doesn't know how to convey.

So he encourages Saitou the best he can until his voice gives out and so does his strength. But he thinks, Saitou understands in a way. The way Saitou leaves kisses against his ear and he can hear ragged breaths, how his hands hold him. They're rushing up some cliff together, hand in hand. And then they jump, at imperfect times but he doesn't care that his hair is caught everywhere and yanked and he doubts Saitou will worry if he leave scratches behind. No one's there to see them. This isn't anyone's business.

They're just giving each other a confidence that he doesn't quite want to share with anyone else but Saitou, and it's been a good sharing.

He flicks his bangs out of his face and does the same for Saitou as they eventually find blankets, once they can breathe again. This is different from sparring and attempting to knock the other one out. It's no less intense, but here, there's no referees or onlookers. No one pointing out abilities or inabilities.

Honestly, he likes Sano and Shinpachi. Really. They're great. But this is something he doesn't think he could do with either one of them. It'd probably be easy and relaxed but it'd be different. With Saitou, there's an assurance and confidence in everything, even if they're lying in the same bed, messy and exhausted. Is confidence contagious? Maybe. Heisuke has allowed Saitou to see sides of him he usually don't let people see, and he's glimpsed some of Saitou.

Now, he doesn't feel a need to ask if it was good. He doesn't think he needs to say anything at all. There's a comfortable space, for which he's glad for. It's a different sense of peace from the one he now feels as he drifts into sleep.

It's good to have someone to have your back, someone who could go to for advice.

****:-:-:-:-:-:-:** **

It's not often he wakes up disoriented by his surrounding. But after the few seconds of tensing up, his memory returns to fill in the blanks.

However, waking up with someone's arm around his waist is entirely new. A glance over his shoulder shows him Heisuke still asleep, breathing steadily. And his arms were tight. It's only slightly uncomfortable, but Saitou knows he has to get up. Life has to continue.

But he likes this intermission.

Heisuke always carries with him a scent of fresh grass…strange as that sounds, it's like spring. He's spring and new things and eagerness. Saitou has to gently ease the fingers away from his waist, as well as the legs that tangled with his. Thankfully Heisuke only stirs and mutters inaudibly before he turns over in his sleep and snores.

Saitou wants to stay, actually. Minutes, hours…

He at least combs out a little of the mess that once was Heisuke's hair, before pulling the blankets firmly over him. As he shrugs his clothes back on, the old bruises twinge and the scratches on his back sting. He has a feeling with someone else, Heisuke might move far more faster than he did last night. Leave more marks behind. Maybe he'd actually be sore. But he seemed to know Saitou wanted it slower…at least this time.

People don't give him enough credit. Heisuke got taken too lightly and it's true he sometimes did a few rash things, but he had a heart for things, and a belief in people that would carry him far. Enthusiasm often dampened with age; he hopes Heisuke never loses that.

But as he ties his hair back and leaves the room, he gives a final glance before he shuts the door. Later, they'll probably go back to their usual conversations. Their usual spars. They probably won't even have physical contact. To say that didn't have a connection would be wrong. But neither is this permanent.

However, he does think about it and the things this leaves behind. It'll be a while before anyone undresses him. It will be some time before he runs his hands over someone's body other than his own.

That's fine.

It's not like he needs that.

Saitou glanced back at the hallway. Last night, and a night before and probably through the past few days, they have left parts of themselves at each other's doors. And those had been taken and received. Gratefully so. When he's finally outside and in the early morning sun, he rolls his shoulders back and breathes deeply. He smells tea and food and in less than half an hour, things will be normal. He will leave here tonight, his bet over and done with.

But the sky reminds him of Heisuke's eyes, the same shade of blue, and he finds himself smiling as it only grows brighter.

**_.End._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Small movie influence. While Shikon Soukyuu was a mess in terms of plot, it had some nice dialogue. Particularly between Saitou and Heisuke right after Chizuru leaves to go find Hijikata:
> 
>  
> 
> _H: “Thinking I had more to do, I stayed alive by becoming a rasetsu. I guess it might’ve been for this battle.”_  
>  S: “Heisuke…”  
> H: “Don’t hold me back today. I’m Master Forerunner after all!”  
> S: “Of course. I am proud to be able to fight alongside you.”
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> **Final Author Notes:**
> 
>  
> 
> While I don’t think this is one of the hardest things I’ve written, it was definitely challenging, both pairing and plot. Ideas were pretty fast, but putting all those ideas together and filtering them is hard. I cut a lot out of this, things that were interesting but they were taking away from this story.
> 
> Also, I felt like I was basically writing blind. As far as I can tell, no one’s ever written Heisuke/Saitou. There’s pretty much not even art for it on Pixiv. Is it just not considered?
> 
> But they’ve always had a comfortable relationship. Not to mention Saitou going with Heisuke and the Itou Faction. While yes, Hijikata charged him with that as a mission, it’s canon he cares about Heisuke. They don't have much chance to speak to each other while with Itou though—people might think it suspicious. But the few they do exchange…they encourage one another, I think. Plus in various routes they show concern for each other.
> 
> They don’t have to sleep with each other. 
> 
> But this is fanfic, and I’m playing with possibilities. Not to mention I was trying to figure out when and how the version of Saitou I wrote…got to where he was with people. Why he’s so good with them. Why he likes them. I don’t often get to write him this uncertain and unsure, his first time. And even then the smut part wasn’t even in his POV. But all I knew was that he probably had a first time that was memorable.
> 
> As for Heisuke, there’s admiration there. There’s respect. Not to mention I think he’d be the cutest boyfriend and I would totally date him if I could. Yes. Anyway he’s really sweet, really thoughtful. But he gets written off as immature because he does act on his impulses. I was trying to show that he’s actually considerate, but also curious, and is possible he is both.
> 
> …well, I had a lot of thoughts/ideas and I hope those were clear in this fic. I’m still uncertain about Heisuke because this was my first time writing him. He’s definitely fun though.
> 
> \-------------------
> 
> Haylee wrote a fabulous prequel for this fic. Find it [here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7533745) :3


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